I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
