So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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