never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
