come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
