I don't usually arrange sex via text message
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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