There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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