Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize