woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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