I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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