Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
