I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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