Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
