I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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