it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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