Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
