Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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