By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
