Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she looked like the before picture.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
