Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am naked and annoyed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
