I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
