just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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