I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
pop tarts are not kleenex
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
