in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
