So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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