College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
