My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
