nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
