my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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