So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
