I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
