i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
