apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
