Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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