there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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