I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
