I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
