Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
