This is not my ceiling
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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