Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
