What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
