yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
