A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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