I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dick very happy bro
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
