"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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