Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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