I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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