I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
