She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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