You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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