i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
