Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
