dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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