Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
