I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I currently don't understand fingers.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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