I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
