He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
