That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
