It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
