I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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