i was born a porn star she said
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
