i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
