u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
