If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
