Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
