i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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