It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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