I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
