you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
