Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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