Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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