PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's shark week go big or go home
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
